This is the man who raised me.

Not pictured: me

This is the man who loved me.

I didn't have them at the same time, but I got them both eventually.

Ocean's 11 was a movie made in 1960 about the GI Bill. For some reason it starred a bunch of singers and entertainers and......Peter Lawford?

Dress for the job you want

Frank SInatra plays the partial title character of Danny 11, a washed up sweater model who is longing for the action of opening and closing doors in a building.

Dress for the job you have

Dean Martin plays Dean Martin's mother and you just know he's hitting that HARD

They cause what now?

The plot revolves around the wacky hijinks these wonderful scamps get up to on their way to a funeral

..........

Recently I watched an educational filmstrip about insurance adjusting called "The Thomas Crown Affair". It plays as a metaphor for how hard it was in the olden days to get by on just four (4!) millions.

He is totally innocent -- rich people have no reason to steal.

The heroes of this teleplay really are the hard working men who came together against a few odds (fucking Erwin) and got the job done. IT'S CALLED TEAMWORK PEOPLE.

Yes, crows ARE "Halloween eagles". 

The Night of the Hunter was a Back-When-America-Was-Great-Again documentary about owls. It stars The Cologne Guy and the mother from Silence of the Hams.

Watch your kerning.

I know, how do you have starring roles in a documentary that is ridiculous because HOLLLYWOOD THAT'S WHY STAR SYSTEM!

A sub plot is about the trials and tribulations of

Nope

an itinerant preacher who is just as qualified as Franklin Graham to pontificate on what the bearded sky man wants or doesn't want for anyone.

two corinthians, bitches

There was also something about ice cream? A shop of some kind? Also: labor laws and why we need unions.

Incarnate Evil (left), and the Reverend Harry Powell (right)

Not pictured: any discussion of comprehensive sex education.

Seriously

I give this movie 3.14 Them Apples

Vertigo was a 1958 After School Special about the Dangers of Laziness. It was originally titled "It's a Wonderful Ledge", but that was deemed too on-the-nose.

This is some heavy foreshadowing....COCK-EYED TITS ON THE HORIZON

This is definitely Midge's movie. She had JohnnieO pegged as a lazy-ass dope from the jump (that may be in bad taste but I'll allow it). I don't know what the prescription on those glasses is, but she sees through him like a household glass hole (you know, for light). (WINDOW that's the word. Household glass WINDOW).

Drafting table....glasses....wry sarcI'M NOT HOT IN HERE YOU'RE HOT IN HERE

This movie also has meaning for our Very Important Modern Times. Old-timey James Comey made sure we all knew how bad Johnnie was at...any job, really. He couldn't keep up with a flat foot cop with a massive gunbelt or a blonde in 3 inch heels running up stairs. He also had the curiousity and intellectual rigor of a bag of wet turnips.

In summation, FUCK YOU GEORGE BAILEY

And evidently doctors would talk to anyone about anything. Here is Dr Frank HIPAA (no relation) realizing that Midge knows more about the human condition than his blue shirt ever will.

At least everything worked out in the end.

You're cured!

Yes, Harvey, I'M READY FOR OUR MEETING

Just make the show about her and it's much better. #IronFish

He chose to keep my sister in a laundry hamper THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE THAT'S WHAT IT IS

Choice has always been important to my dad.

He chose a Jaguar to drive because it's easy for a 91 year old to manage.

He chose to live in Sarasota because it's warm and beautiful and calm.

He chose to leave his home because we asked him to. HURRICANE == BAD.

He chose to turn around because he was tired and hangry.

He chose to go home and ride out the storm.

He chose to say "I love you" at the end of every call. He still does.